Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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