We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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