He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
