Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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