There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
