I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
