just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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