community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
