Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
