your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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