Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
