Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
