ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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