We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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