So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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