so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
