He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Come see our sink grown plant.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
