I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Come see our sink grown plant.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
