What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
