you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
