he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
