been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
