Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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