i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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