Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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