Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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