So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
