Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
