i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You don't make any sense
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