So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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