I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
