ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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