This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
