Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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