Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
