And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
