where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
