my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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