If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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