I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
