I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
