just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
