So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
