They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
