My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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