Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
