Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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