I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
