the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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