if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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