i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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