I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
