Little spoons don't ask big questions
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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