I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
