$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
tell me about the fingering
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